Top 10 Computer Annoyances and How to Fix Them -- the unstyled way.

An article over at Lifehacker, Top 10 Computer Annoyances and How to Fix Them, got me to thinking how I would fix these problems. So, let's take another look:

10. Dashboard widgets (OS X).
Can't figure them out? You're too stupid to own a computer. Go back to pen and paper.

9. Remembering passwords.
You're too stupid to own a computer. Write your password on your forehead and every time you forget, go look in a mirror, realise your password is backwards on your forehead and that you can't make out what it says, then slap yourself.

8. Google search result links are indirect, awkward, and too long to copy.
Stop using the computer now. You can't use Google? You're an idiot.

7. Hours spent re-installing Windows XP (or Vista).
Why are you using Windows? You're an idiot.

6. Windows Vista, in general.
Well, yes, that's Microsoft's fault. You're an idiot for buying it though.

5. RE: Fwd: Fwd: Email (and time-wasting email in general).
Stop wasting your time. Get the fuck off the computer, as you're clearly too much of a complete retard to use it for anything constructive or useful.

4. File copying freezes and awkwardness (Windows).
I'll chalk this up to Microsoft again. Then I'll call you stupid for buying Windows.

3. Office IT restrictions.
...I'm with Lifehacker on this one.

2. GIANT email attachments.
Click "delete" on the email, or are you too much of an idiot to find the button? Then reply to the person (assuming you can, and that delete wasn't too much of an effort for you) and call them an idiot. Pot, meet Kettle. You're both stupid.

1. All that crappy "default" software.
Stop. Using. Windows. Okay, some Linux distros have some crap installed and some Mac OS X default software is useless, however most of the crapware can be found on Windows. You're an idiot for buying Windows.

If by now you haven't seen a recurring theme... you really are stupid. Seriously, if these are issues that you struggle with, get off the computer and never ever
touch a mouse or keyboard again. Unless it's a pet mouse... and you aren't like Lenny.

I'd also like to point out that I believe most people should not own personal computers, as the majority of people are too stupid to fix minor issues they run in to. Unfortunately, if I had to draw a line separating those allowed and those not, I'd be on the side that would have to go back to pen and paper. Still, I'm a hypocrite, so I don't give a fuck.

July 17th @ 3:50 AM | 0 Comments | Tags: rant, web | Trackback